Why I Won’t Be Joining The Sisterhood


Yes. We’ve all been there. Most of us females, anyway.

You know, The Sisterhood. We are all supposed to be friends, giddy with excitement over lingerie and Tupperware parties,  sharing hair brushes and lipstick and forever preparing long lists of names to invite to our wedding, when that day comes, if ever, and exchange knowing glances on the street with complete strangers who we just know also belong to The Sisterhood. Yet, in the confines and anonymity of the lady’s room, we will refuse to pass toilet paper under the stall to those in need….

Really?

Ever since those mean girls in Grade 7 pushed my face into that snow bank and gave my butt a good thrashing, oh, you know, just because I was in Grade 6, just because they could, just because, I decided to forgo The Sisterhood. For life….

Well, wouldn’t ya know it, it didn’t stop there. The meanest girl in Grade 7 was to become my future boss at my first job at McDonald’s.

“Hey, remember when you pushed my face into that snow bank and gave my butt a good thrashing when I was in Grade 6?”

“Yup, and I’ll do it again, coz now I’m your boss”.

Just my luck….

Moving on, things could only get worse when it came to The Sisterhood. Suddenly, I was some kind of competition. That made me the enemy. I could never understand why. Most of their boyfriends were too ugly for me, and the rest were too stupid. Where, exactly was the competition there? I just couldn’t see it. I had no interest in anything that any of them might be flaunting in the boyfriend department.

That didn’t stop the insults and accusations from the anal retentive, less secure, and those that needed makeup to be noticed. Gossip reigned supreme in those days. And I remained oblivious. I had no interest in pitting one against the other, fighting over some eligible bachelor, or slipping catty notes back and forth warning them to ‘stay away from my boyfriend…or else’. I figured if he was that willing to stray, she could have him. He would do the same to her too. Good riddance!

And then there were the ones who suspected I may have sort of glanced in the direction of their sorta-kinda boyfriend. They liked to cozy up to me. To see what I was made of. To see if I had anything to offer, or to steal.  To see if I really was interested in their sorta-kinda boyfriend. This must be what a ‘frenemy’ is…

I am pausing now to spin my head around and spit pea soup across the room…

I’ve had several women over the years admit to me behind a hand over their mouth that they didn’t like other women. They felt intimidated. But somehow, I didn’t make them feel that way. So nice of them to share with me.

What were they even talking about?

Yes, my soul is that pure and innocent.

No wonder everyone wants to offer me seat next to them in The Sisterhood realm. For the most part, I am non-competitive, non-combative, non-arguementive, non, non, non…non-threatening. I don’t usually give others the feeling that I’m out for something they have, that I want what they have or that I even expect to get what they have..

I’m not, I don’t, and I won’t.

But….

There is a division of The Sisterhood I will admit to being a member of. The human race part. I value my true female friends for their honesty, trust, and ability to share things with me that they may not share with their boyfriends, spouses, significant others etc. I need that male/female balance. I honestly don’t trust women who don’t trust other women. It makes them look insecure. Unbalanced. Sad…

Like men who must slink into the ‘man cave’ to nurse their wounds, most women also need a testosterone break. Only it’s more difficult for us to admit it. We are supposed to be caring, nurturing, always putting everyone else first, willing to ‘stand by our men’ no matter what.

My head is starting to spin again….

I didn’t grow up with a sister, that might have made a difference, It certainly would have given me a different perspective I imagine.

To all those who are still a member of The Sisterhood: Let me remind you once more;

I didn’t suffer any permanent damage from having my face pushed into the snow, I never looked at your boyfriend in Grade 8, and I certainly ain’t looking now. But you are welcome to be my friend anyway, if you can stand my non-competitive, somewhat boring, unassuming company. But please don’t initiate me into The Sisterhood, the very thought of it all makes me claustrophobic….

Oh, and by the way, if you need more toilet paper…just ask…

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By Mary L.

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