The American Nickel


Out gallivanting today as usual.

The power was out last night which caused me to be somewhat fretful so I woke up tired this morning.

The cat kept jumping on my head to wake me. Sometimes he lies beside me and kisses me awake..haha…but not today. Today it was all about the jumping, like it was my fault the power was out.

It was not.

So, I decided to get an early breakfast out in the real world.

Not early enough.

I missed the daily special by mere minutes and the server was unrelenting, and very inattentive and quite rude because I was on my own today and she had no one to flirt with for a massive tip.

Well, here’s a tip…extend your breakfast special hours, try to overlook the fact that I wandered in late, and unattended, and don’t treat me like I’m invisible.

Oh my.

The table next to mine was crammed full of giddy, giggly girls, talking loudly about an imminent divorce. She gleefully recalled all the bad times, the most embarrassing times and the worst times. There were no best times. Not here. Not with them. They howled and smacked the table with great fervor and even talked about what a disaster the wedding had been. Perhaps they had all attended and had been thrown out for rude behaviour. Oh, I hope so.

And then the part I was waiting for….

The drinking binges, the bar hopping, the running around. Hers, not his… The pending divorcee wore it all on her sleeve like a badge of honour. I could see none of it. But I could certainly hear it. And I so didn’t want to on this mild day when I was feeling a bit off, a bit put off and totally ignored by my server.

Now where was she?

Oh, I thought I saw her once, hovering on the horizon, chatting up a couple of dudes who were only too glad to keep her busy and as far away from me as possible.

It was the worst of times.

Finally, breakfast was served.

A hash brown slid off my plate and onto the floor. I believe she stepped on it…

I wiped my dry brow and dug in.

My sausages, or whatever they were, were slightly burnt, the eggs runny and the hash browns kept trying to escape my plate.

Two gentlemen came in and sat near me. They were served immediately. I began to wonder if they were celebrities. One of them looked a lot like, you know, what’s his name…

They were both wearing sweatshirts with the American Flag and they talked loudly also. Mostly about schemes, scams and the american dollar. I presumed they were… American… and probably celebrities.

A long came the parking ticket guy.

I warned them and one of them lept up and went running out. Parking ticket guy, left in a big hurry. He was out-sized by about three feet. Yes. About that.

Meanwhile, giddy girls were packing it up to leave.

Good timing.

I had been waiting for at least ten minutes for my server to return. No sign of her. Anywhere…

I pictured myself pouring the salt into the sugar. I pictured myself break dancing on the table. I pictured myself getting up and walking out.

I wondered where the washrooms were.

Finally she returned and I paid my bill.

More waiting. Drumming on the table. I could hardly wait to get home and ‘google’ how to scam people without getting caught…

Giggly ones left. Dudes didn’t.

In my change was an american nickel.

That was her tip.

Bet she never saw that coming…

By Mary L.

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